Old School Parenting - I Want It Back!
Posted: Tuesday, February 24, 2009
by Tracey Watson
I love being a parent. My daughter is now 20 years old, and as corny as it sounds, she is truly a best friend to me. She has been the biggest blessing in my life, and has changed me in ways I could never have imagined. Being a bit of a Pollyanna, I believe every person that has a child has the same epiphany; it changes your life and your perspective about the world. As a School Nurse, I get an up close and personal picture of middle school kids, as well as a bird's eye view of what parents attitudes are like toward their children. I have learned that not all parents had that same life changing "epiphany" that I had. Some still live with the attitude that if it is an inconvenience for them, even if it is for their child, they still aren't willing to go out of their way. Let me give an example.
What is wrong with this picture? Why don't parents put their children first and their own lives second? I would gladly give my life for my daughter's, let alone a little computer time. I don't say that flippantly. I have rearranged my schedule and my life happily and without grudge for twenty years. Why has that changed so drastically in society? I see it on an almost daily basis with parents. Don't get me wrong, there are loving, caring parents out there. But, the story above is a sad example of the direction parents are going. Call me old school; I want to go back to the old ways!!
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More commentsGreat, but sad, article. I truly think that it is all about cultivating awareness. So many of us go through life without even knowing the harm we cause to those that love us the most and are the most influenced by us.Hi Jen! Good observation.... I think it comes with the busy lives we lead. We forget to slow down and show those around us how much we love and appreciate them. Honestly, any of them could be gone tomorrow. I always make sure to tell my daughter I love her. I don't think she gets tired of hearing it. Have a great day! Tracey
Thank you for your article. Hopefully the fathers lack of parenting skills will lead his daughter to be a much better parent than he. Many times good things come out of bad. I admire your courage in being a teacher. Congrats.That is why I always take the time to give care and love to all my kids at school. It may be the only example they get! Thanks for writing. Tracey
A really good article, Tracey. thanks for sharing it with us.
A very good article, Tracey. I long for old school parenting, too. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome to SearchWarp, too! :-)Thanks, Avis! I am looking at your numbers and think I have a llllloooonnnggg way to go! Tracey : )
Great thought Tracey! Though I means we are not yet parents as yet but still we need to think about this. Very valuable article that you have shared. Thanks.
That's a big AMEN from me too Tracy, Eveyone else said it well. It's pretty sad when parents put other things first. In some cases, its not possible, but sitting at home on the computer? May God speak this father and show him a better way. These are the things that sometimes lead young girls into the arms of older men for comfort. Good reminder to all, and I do hope this helps some parents to rethink their priorities. Blessings to you!Hi Teresa! Yes, being a single parent most of my life, I am the first to understand that you can't always be there for your child. But, when you ARE able to, you always let them know that they are your priority. I feel that is so important to building that inner strength in them. It helps them to love, helps them to say "no" to bad things. Believe me, I didn't do a perfect job as a parent, but if you asked my daughter if she always felt loved, my guess is she would say a big, fat YES! I try to explain to parents that next year the kids won't even remember the gadget you bought them, but they will remember that you did something amazing for them or stood by them. Ok, I am done now with my rant now.... talk to you later!!! Tracey
Amen, Tracey. It breaks my heart to hear about such instances. I don't understand how so many of us got so selfish. I too put things on the back burner for my kids and now I have three that are fantastic young adults. Sometimes, when I hear a mom or dad complaining, I do wonder why they even had children. I relished every moment - well, most of them anyway. It is sad that this type of experience happens and I am thankful that you were there for this young girl when she needed an adult to understand and comfort her.Hi Mary! Yes, it is hard at times to understand parents.... however, there are times that I get to hear stories about THEIR lives, and I do understand they had a hard time also. But, we all come to a point in our lives that we must make a decision to make a change, or keep it the same. We become adults. We all have the ability for change, and change can, and many times, IS, good. So, though I have sympathy for some of the parents, it doesn't mean that they can ever abandon good parenting. There is never an excuse. Choose to be a good parent - or don't become one. Thank you so much for writing! Tracey : )
Tracy, everything you said is so true, I also work with 6th, 7th, and 8th graders who are in our suspension program and when you hear about their home life in detail it really blows you away. I would hope that the parents do love the children but boy, they sure don't know how to show or prove it, the kids come last in many different situations and its very sad.Hi John! I was telling my parents about my job, my days, the parents, the kids. I said this was just "one example of many". They couldn't understand..... There are times when I have a hard time, like you, with giving the "benefit of the doubt". And believe me, I am a Pollyanna. But, when you hear and see these stories day in and day out, you just KNOW that life has changed, and not in a good way. Thanks so much for writing. Tracey : )
Wonderful yetr sad story of how the communities we live in have become cynical, self-absorbed centers of self-regard. Thanks for reaching out with your words!Hi Walter! We are being trained by the media - movies, television, radio - to be such a "me first" society. I do think it is important to care about yourself. HOWEVER, you must put your kids first, take care of your family, love others, and treat people respectfully. Sadly, that is a lost art these days. Thanks for reading and responding to my article! Tracey : )
Hi Tracey, when I read this title I assumed you meant ' children should be seen and not heard' and 'rule by the rod', as that is what I understand to be old school parenting.I do agree with you in your article perhaps 95%, the remaining 5% I reserve for the necessity of not babying children as life is harsh and they do need to learn independence and more importantly that the world does not revolve around them, else they can grow into obnoxious brats who demand everything and 'do' nothing.It is a very fine balance trying to being loving and yet holding back just enough to let our little chicks grow into birds and fly free and have the strength of character to endure lifes inevitable knocks.I might have seemed cold once when dropping my child off at school. The previous day I'd been called out of work (lost a days pay a as a result) as my child had tummy ache. When I arrived at the school, my child was laughing and having fun in the school office and was clearly NOT unwell. The reason for the tummy ache --------hunger pains.It was only just lunch time and as my child had refused breakfast in the morning, she was hungrier than usual before receiving her school lunch which was just minutes away before the school called me.I objected strongly to losing a days pay for hunger pains, afterall all that money goes to preventing those hunger pains!I made it clear to the teacher the next day NOT to call me out of work again for 'hunger pains'.My daughter does afterall get a hefty lunch lovingly prepared by me and if she refuses breakfast which I also lovingly prepare then she must learn to deal with the consequences and the temporary hunger!
I also like you see examples of neglectful parenting but I also see examples of passive parenting where the children really do grow up at a disadvantage as a result. Children who when at school still can't dress themselves as mum still does it, and then they are laughed at by their peers and so on. It's not good.It's a fine balance and while we must always be loving and caring, it's important not to spoil children too much as it does them no favours in the long run.
With the dad in your story, he could well be a neglectful dad as first appearances show or his daughter could make a regular habit of making more of an injury for attention and to be sent home. I know children like this so it does happen and understandably their parents do their best not to encourage the behaviour and give in to it. However as a nurse I believe your instincts are correct in the case and dad was being neglectful. I always try to reserve judgement when not in full possession of all the family history.
Good article.I loved your response to my article. I completely agree. I think it is hard in a short article to articulate an entire thought process. But when people make comments, it brings out points that were not brought out in the original article. You are right in the fact that there may be circumstances that surround parents NOT coming to pick up students. Many times the student just does't want to be in school, they may be a slacker, have a test that day, etc, and the parents are just fed up with it. I also see a lot of that going on. As far as parenting goes, it seems parents go in one of several directions: they allow themselves to be manipulated out of complacency; they are lazy and take the easy way out; they follow the example of their own parents who did not know how to parent either; or there are the ones who are great parents and who do a fabulous job. Unfortunately, it just seems to be more and more often I see all of the former options, and too few of the last option. Thanks again for writing! Tracey : )
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